How to conduct effective one on ones

Effective One on Ones is all about planning ahead.

For some of us who have entered the work force and are considered working professionals, doing one on ones is considered table stakes, and an essential part of your work week. 1-1s are weekly catchups between a manager and their direct report. They can also be conducted among peers or stakeholder groups. The purpose of 1-1s is multifaceted, it could have weekly catchups to understand what’s going in each other industries, it could be to get project updates, or it could be diagnose and solve a problem. 1-1s are your time, and it is up to you on how to make the most of it. One on One meetings are typically focused for personal, focused discussions such as performance reviews, coaching sessions, mentoring, etc. It’s an opportunity to have a detailed and private conversation, which helps facilitate clearer communication and individualized feedback or support.

However, for some of us, one on ones can be intimidating and we may dread it approaching. If you are one of those, no worries – this article is right for you. Here in this article, we will explore ways to make the most effective use of 1-1s and leverage it for personal and professional growth.

Here’s a structured way of approaching your one-on-one meetings, which you should be able to apply to meeting with your managers, stakeholders, peers, project updates etc.

Making the most out of your One on Ones

1. Define an Agenda for the meeting

2. Prepare ahead for the meeting

3. Listen Actively

4. Open dialogue and Constructive Feedback

5. Send Meeting Notes

6. Set up Follow Ups

7. Establish a connection

8. Solicit Feedback

9. Reflect and Learn

1. Define an Agenda for the meeting

Be prepared with a clear and defined agenda. Having prepared with key topics to be discussed during the meeting will alleviate your anxiety and give your more control over the discussion. An Agenda will also help you create the right focus and make the most out of the dedicated meeting time.

It’s good to have a document prepared with list of agenda items you want to go through and share it ahead of the meeting or at the start of the meeting. Preparedness will go a long way and will create a good impression on your manager/stakeholder. For key items, keep in mind to define goals/outcome for the topics. It is not a bad idea to share the agenda document ahead of the meeting and give your manager chance to weigh in with their hot topics. This way you know what you both will be discussing in the meeting.

2. Prepare ahead for the meeting

Before the meeting, review relevant documents, business reports, industry trends, or notes from previous meetings. If you have defined a specific goal or objective for topics, gather necessary data points that can help decide. Anticipate potential related topics of discussions and come prepared with relevant research, data points, questions or updates. Use this opportunity to work on your communication skills, having prepared ahead will help you focus on the substance and anticipate less.

Preparing ahead of one-on-one meetings maximizes productivity by ensuring that the meetings are focused and efficient, covering all necessary topics. Thoughtful preparation allows managers to provide specific, constructive feedback, making it more actionable for employees. Setting an agenda and goals for the meeting helps both parties understand the purpose and desired outcomes, leading to more meaningful discussions.

Lastly, well-prepared meetings show respect for each other’s time and effort, fostering trust and a collaborative atmosphere.

3. Listen Actively

Listen actively during the meeting, and pay attention to other persons ideas, discussions, debates and feedback. Realize that if the other person is having a rough day or is describing a rough situation, it is important to empathize. Show your understanding by nodding and summarizing what they said and following up with clarifying questions, if needed.

4. Open dialogue and Constructive Feedback

Bring positive energy to the room and create an open dialogue. Create an environment where you and the other person feels comfortable sharing their thoughts. Encourage asking questions and take feedback. Any feedback should be taken with growth mindset, and tease out specific, actionable, time bound action you could take to improve the feedback.

5. Send Meeting Notes

The best way to capture the essence of a meeting and key next steps is to send meeting notes. Document key points discussed during the meeting, any open questions that need to be followed up and researched, any key decisions made, and action items for future. This is the best way to ensure all parties are on the same page, and there is a reference point for future, and accountability maintained.

I still feel the shivers when I think of that particular One on One with one of my managers where the very long (about 400 words) One on One notes was sent by my manager before I could even reach my desk that was 20 yards from the meeting room. It was prepared ahead with a specific purpose in mind. I left that org within 2 weeks after this event.

Do not make these mistakes in your career. Sending meeting minutes that was prepared ahead of the meeting is definitely not only a mistake but also unethical.

One tip I would like to share with you for sending meeting notes is capture only the essential items from the meeting while making absolutely sure that the other party understands the purpose of capturing the minutes. Capturing minutes and sending via email should not be surprise to either of the parties in the One on One.

The main reason behind capturing minutes from One on Ones should be to help both the parties in the One on One and not just one of the two. Relying too much on minutes to run effective One on Ones could be a sign of lack of trust in an organizational setting.

If you want to track the list of items to get done, you might want to call the list "Our getting done list" rather than meeting minutes. You see the point?

6. Set up Follow Ups

Once you have progress on action items and goals, make sure to schedule follow up meetings and review their progress. Address any pending issues.

Follow-up one-on-one meetings ensure accountability by tracking progress on goals and action items, helping both parties stay committed to agreed-upon plans. These regular check-ins build consistency, fostering ongoing communication and strengthening the relationship between managers and employees.

Continuous dialogue facilitates problem-solving, allowing for timely identification and resolution of any issues or obstacles that may arise. Moreover, follow-up meetings support development by providing opportunities for ongoing feedback, reinforcing positive behaviors, and addressing areas for improvement. Lastly, these interactions enhance engagement, demonstrating that managers are invested in employees’ growth, which boosts morale and engagement.

7. Establish a connection

When you start your one-on-one conversation, make sure to not jump right into the work and talk shop. Take a breather and start the conversation casually. Give an opportunity for other person to settle into the conversation, and then ease into your agenda. One way to kick start the conversation is to ask how each other’s day, and check-in to how everyone is feeling about the day. Use the first few minutes of the meeting to establish a connection and create your own dynamics with the other person.

It is a good idea to connect at a more human level and understand each other’s personalities. You may ask about the weather, and how did they spend the weekend. It’s better not to ask very direct questions that can make them feel uncomfortable. Through these small conversations, you can understand if there are common hobbies, or interests that helps you feel more connected. Establishing a connection will also ease the anxiety of one on one, and will give confidence to conduct the meeting.

8. Solicit Feedback

Make sure to pause occasionally and get some feedback on your one-on-one formats. It’s a good question to ask at the end of your meeting and check-in, if there is anything you should do differently.

You can solicit feedback by generally asking for feedback on any of the aspects on the One on Ones. Being open helps the the participant give you feedback on any of the aspects. Or, if you like to ask for feedback on specific aspects of the One on One, be specific. For example, you might want feedback on the duration, agenda or face to face / via a video call, location, day of the week when the One on Ones are held and even the timing of the One on One during the day or evening.

Also, be flexible that what worked one week or one month may not work. We all know the value of One on Ones especially during unforeseen events. So, make sure to ask for feedback every now and then but not like clockwork. It will become artificial and won't be natural anymore.

Some of the best One on Ones in my career were the ones that were relaxed, were even impromptu and were relatively shorter. In those One on Ones I felt the other party was listening to me and I was given the freedom to express my point of view.

A lot of first time managers might approach One on One as an obligation. There is nothing wrong with feeling like that. The easiest way to approach One on Ones as a first time manager is to ask yourself one simple question as part of your preparation. How can I help my team member today without making them I know for sure they need help. If you can start with this simple question, you could be well on your way to being one of the most understanding managers your team ever had.

9. Reflect and Learn

Introspection is key to performance improvement. After each one on one, reflect what went well and what can be improved. Through this process, you will be able to identify patterns and find ways for self-improvement. Adjust your approach based on that and keep find tuning.

You know, everything is an opinion in life. Some are your and the rest of someone else's, some of which you agree with and most you don't. With that said, it is not easy to see that what you think might need tweaking in your One on One discussions may not be what the other person might agree with. So, it will come down to essentially striking a balance between what you think could be improved and what the other party is comfortable with. Also, keep in mind that what they comfortable with today, they need no tomorrow. This is where playing back in your mind how the One on Ones are playing out could help.

May be put in some time on your calendar for you to reflect broadly on how your engagement with your team has been going. These reflections, from my experience, are more authentic and relaxed when done on Fridays than on Mondays.

If you want a tip on how to conduct these reflections, ask yourself What needs to Start, Stop and Continue in the way you run the One on Ones.

Conclusion

One on Ones are a great opportunity for both the participating parties. by planning ahead of time and committing to make it a fruitful engagement focussed on exchange of information, collaboration and approaching it as an investment in mutual benefits, one on ones can be that one meeting you look forward in your busy calendar that is probably stretched in several dimensions in this day and age.